Everyone Needs A Hug!

Everyone Needs a Hug!

Dr. Leo Buscaglia: "Love is spontaneous and craves expression through joy, through beauty, through truth, even through tears. Love lives the moment; it's neither lost in yesteryear nor does it crave for tomorrow. Love is NOW!" Leo Buscaglia

A Commentary: by Donald H. DeForge, VMD

The average length of a hug between two people is 3 seconds. But researchers have discovered something fantastic.

When a hug lasts 20 seconds, there is a therapeutic effect on the body and mind. The reason is that a sincere hug produces a hormone called "oxytocin", also known as the love hormone.

This substance has many benefits in our physical and mental health, helps us, among other things, to relax, to feel safe and calm our fears and anxiety.

This wonderful calming is offered free of charge every time we have a person in our arms, cradle a child, cherish a dog or cat, or when we are dancing with our partner; the closer we get to someone or just hold the shoulders of a friend

- See more at: http://www.channelkoos.com/index.php/health/5440-the-therapeutic-effects-of-hugging#sthash.Ypo13Tt3.dpuf

• Living, Loving, and Learning (1985)-Dr. Leo Buscaglia

• People are not here to meet your expectations.
• To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
• I have a lot of things in my classes that I call 'voluntarily mandatory.' One of the things that is voluntarily mandatory is that every student come to see me in my office at least once. I cannot teach bodies. I can only relate to people. And so I say, 'Come in, and we will sit across from one another. I don't want to talk about the texts or the class. We can do that another time. I just want to know the last time you saw a unicorn and do you still believe in primeval forests. And when you come, I am going to touch you — and if that bothers you, take your tranquilizer.' It is amazing how many are intimidated by someone who says, 'I want to touch you.' I was raised in a large Italian family, as most of you know, and everybody hugs everybody all the time. On holidays everyone gets together, and it takes forty-five minutes just to say hello and forty-five minutes to say goodbye. Babies, parents, dogs — everybodys got to be loved! And so I have never suffered that existential feeling of not being. If someone can hug you and not go through you, you are. Try it sometime.

• About two years ago a young lady came into my office, and I knew immediately something was wrong. Her eyes were kind of glazed, and her head was nodding, and I asked, 'What's the matter"' She replied, 'Oh, Dr. Buscaglia, in order to get enough courage to come to see you, I had to drink a whole bottle of Ripple! And I think I am going to be sick!' Imagining... having to drink a bottle of Ripple to summon up the courage to come to see me. All I do is put my hands out and say, 'Hi.' I cover their hands with mine and lead them into my office, and I can see a look of panic on their faces, 'What's he going to do to me?' I am not going to do anything to you! I just want you to know that I cry, too, and I feel, too, and I care, too, and I don't know everything, too, and therefore, we can start with a common frame of reference — human being to human being. If anybody tries to play the game of 'follow the guru' with me, they will be lost, for they will learn that I am just as confused as they are. The difference may be that I know it. A Buddhist teacher once said to me, 'Why do you keep moving? You are already there.' And all of a sudden it occurred to me — my goodness, I am!
• A Commentary on Hugging By Dr. Don DeForge 30June2014

As a veterinarian for 4 decades, I have noted the disintegration of the nuclear family.  My friend, Leo Buscaglia, was 74 years old when we lost him to cardiac failure 16 years ago.  He grew up in an Italian nuclear family where there was always a pot of boiling water on the stove and multiple pasta delights that you had to try........ when Mama said to you.....sit, sit, mangia, mangia....eat--eat......YOU NEVER SAID NO!

There is something special about Italian food, eating, and hugging.  The something special is love.  With the disintegration of the nuclear family no one sits around a table and eats together unless it is a wedding, a major birthday, or a burial.  Yes...there still are families that eat together each night but the numbers are getting less and less and less.  As a child, I sat with my parents and two brothers each night at the supper table and my parents would say......what happened at school today?  Tell us one thing that you learned.  We-the three boys-took it as though it was an interrogation....at times we had to search hard to remember anything that happened of importance.  

When I look back at those suppers now...I realize it was not about what happened at school but it was two parents helping us in our journey.  Two parents listening to us....two parents providing love.

    We hugged a lot in our family and hugging has always been a part of my life.  In today's world many are very fearful of hugging.  I don't fully understand it but we have created fences around ourselves; we separate ourselves from each other and we are afraid to remove those defenses to get close to each other.

     We are not a hugless society.  The hug is still present in relationships and is commonly connected to physical intimacy.  This is not what Leo meant when he stated:  "Love is always open arms.  If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself."

 The following is an excerpt from "Living, Loving, and Learning" by Leo Buscaglia (page 122). It is something Leo found in the Journal of Humanistic Psychology, and was written by an 85 year old man who learned he was dying:

"If I had my life to live over again, I'd try to make more mistakes next time. I wouldn't try to be so perfect. I would relax more. I'd limber up. I'd be sillier than I've been on this trip. In fact, I know very few things that I would take so seriously. I'd be crazier. I'd be less hygienic. I'd take more chances, I'd take more trips, I'd climb more mountains, I'd swim more rivers, I'd watch more sunsets, I'd go more places I've never been to. I'd eat more ice cream and fewer beans. I'd have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones. You see, I was one of those people who lived prophylactically and sensibly and sanely hour after hour and day after day. Oh, I've had my moments, and if I had it to do all over again, I'd have more of those moments. In fact, I'd try to have nothing but beautiful moments -- moment by moment by moment. I've been one of those people who never went anywhere without a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had it to do all over again, I'd travel lighter next time. If I had it to do all over again, I'd start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I'd ride more merry-go-rounds, I'd watch more sunrises, and I'd play with more children, if I had my life to live over again. But you see, I don't!"

The 85 year old man who is dying would want us all to hug each other more.  He has missed hugging in life....he has not hugged ANYONE at a sunset or a sunrise.....he has not hugged ANYONE with an ice cream cone in his hand....he has missed hugging his children.....and he has never hugged the companion he loves that supplies unconditional love to him.

Starting today, I will make it a priority to hug more; say hello to the STRANGER I greet; and tell those I love how important they are to me.  I have written much about the importance of the Human-Animal Bond and how important it is to incorporate this union in our lives.  I believe the Human-Animal Bond cannot exist if there is not a strong Human-Human Bond integrated into our lives.

The nuclear family can reappear.  The legacy of Leo Buscaglia is not just his books or his quotes.  If he was here today and thought that all he accomplished was now only a simple quote, he would be quite distressed.  Leo's legacy must be in action....hugging-power is a beginning.  Finding a way each day to lessen someone else's burden is the result of hugging-power.  It can all begin today.  Give someone a hug!

Questions about this blog can be addressed to:

DoctorDeForge@yahoo.com

30June2014

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