Remembering to Remember

Remembering to Remember

Kindness and Concern Bear No Age

Dr. Don DeForge

Paralleled from Grandfather's Birthday by Rudy Mano-New Haven Register

It was grandmother's birthday she was 89.  She always got up at 5 AM on her birthday.  She would put on her birthday dress and sit by the window.  She wanted to look perfect when they came.

She did not make her oatmeal and coffee as she did each morning.  She wanted to be ready when they came! She sat waiting patiently and hoping that it would not be too much longer.  Today there was no time to fill the bird feeders, water her flowers, or even make her bed.  It was a day like no other day......it was her birthday. The sun rose and quickly filled the house with glittering brilliance as noon approached. She did not nap this day so she would be ready when they came.  She could not bear to miss them.  It was her birthday......

She moved the telephone close to a table by her chair in case they were to call....they never had been this late.  Afternoon turned into a red sunset as the day continued to diminish.  She had 4 married children; 9 grandchildren; and two great grandchildren.  She just couldn't stop thinking about which of the children were coming to visit her.  It was her birthday.....

She cleared the table after she ate supper but did not touch the cake.  She set placements for 10...maybe she would have to add more later.  She would not touch the cake that she made for herself.....it was baked to be shared.  It was her birthday she knew they would come.....

At 9:00 pm, she turned down the lights; put the cake away; and prepared for bed.  She put a note on the front door that read:

"Be sure to wake me when you come!"

It was Grandmother's 89th birthday.....but they did not come! 

Leo Buscaglia was teaching in the Department of Special Education at the University of Southern California in the late 1960's when one of his students committed suicide.  She had been one of the sets of "kind eyeballs" he always looked for in the large auditorium, because her responses showed him that at least one students was hearing what he said; so the news that she killed herself had a great impact on him. He said, "What are we doing stuffing facts into people and forgetting that they are human beings?" Her death changed Dr. Buscaglia's life as he initiated a crusade in spreading love to adults, children, and the stranger through his writings, publications, and television [PBS]

As we grow old, the Human-Human Bond and the Human-Animal Bond can be forgotten.  As children grow...... do we truly see them or do we just feed and house them.  Do we listen to them or do we occupy them with Smart Phones and cyber baby-sitting devices.  Dr. Buscaglia who had great insight as a young teacher.......still blamed himself for the suicide of his student because he felt the system did not allow him to know about her suffering.

When pets grow old, many times they are discarded.  Pain control and quality of life are ignored as pet advocates do not want to be inconvenienced in important geriatric testing; pain medications; or advanced home nursing care.

Children are exposed to cheating at a young age by negative adult models. We honor athletes who have been taught by coaches to cheat to win...but we forget to talk about the student athlete who never made it to the varsity level but always plays his heart out for his team and will not cheat.

We can spend a month talking about under-inflated footballs but forget the child suffering with cancer or the geriatric relative living in solitude in a skilled nursing facility.

We speed through life and honk our horns....we cut people off when driving....and we release doors into stranger's faces as we exit a mall.  

There are times when we MUST think about what we are doing and be thankful for all that we have....there are times when we must stop to help someone who just needs a door opened or a smile to be shared.

What is the simple message.......it was her 89th birthday and all she wanted was someone to visit her with love!

The fantasy of the wedding or partnership need never end!  Only when we become absorbed in self and want more than Dr. Buscaglia's-not intimate love- but love of life does the Human-Human Bond and the Human-Animal Bond go wrong. 

The wedding or the partnership can lead to the creation of a miracle of life.  If you have never watched the PBS drama-DOC MARTIN- please search for episodes of this drama on the net.  The show is about a country doctor in the UK who is fighting and struggling with professional and personal problems that affect the way he treats people in his life.  His cutting words to his patients center on his internal suffering.  He meets the local school teacher; they have a child; and marry.  

The episodes paint pain and suffering but they also focus on how we can make a change in our lives if we choose and really want to change.  Those changes allow us to stop hurting others and ignoring our responsibilities in life.  They show us that self importance is not importance at all.  

Ignoring and conquering our personal pain can affect our loved ones; our children; and yes....the adopted companions that we are responsible for as life-long advocates. Don't forget to love today and never forget the 89th birthday has 88 prior celebrations......do not miss one of them......time moves swiftly!

Questions about this Blog....Comments?

Address to:

DoctorDeForge@yahoo.com

Medical Director

Silver Sands Veterinary Center

Milford, CT. 06460