Finding Compassion and Love
Life is a Burning Candle
Finding Compassion and Love
DH DeForge,VMD
Bernie Siegel, MD in his syndicated column Mind and Heart Matters recently wrote the following in his LETTER TO GOD.
"When I wondered why children died and animals didn't live as long as people and all living things didn't get the chance to live to a ripe old age; God you explained this to me....It was easy to understand from my experience with our pets that they do not need as much time as people do to learn about love, compassion, kindness, faith, and hope. Every life is like a candle and the length of the candle isn't about one's age but about how much time we would spend on this planet. And our job was to illuminate the path for ourselves and others and not worry about how much time we had but to get the job done and burn continually and not out before our time."
A Commentary by DH DeForge, VMD on Dr. Siegel's Letter to God....
Dr. Siegel---- your Letter to God...... and God's answer....... has been part of my own discovery for many years. So much can be said about the importance of the journey to understanding, compassion, love, and.......... sharing that with others.
My problem centers on why there is so much pain in life? Why does cancer exist; evil exist; and why do people enjoy inflicting physical and mental pain on others?
What causes bullyism; why is there war; what makes people happy in killing others?
I have asked God these questions but I cannot find his explanation in my prayer.
I assume that these evil individuals do not have the ability to find the light of the candle of love. Maybe they saw it once but now they live in the dark. Maybe they have never had anyone give to them the gifts of compassion or love.
When the news each night is more about darkness than light, this becomes even harder to understand. Man has free will and can resist kindness, compassion, and love. Resistance and hate is easier than creating positive change in our own lives or the lives of others.
When we look at the death and suffering in the Middle East, the question becomes harder to understand. Have we actually taken hate and allowed it to be passed from one generation to the next and believe that is normal?
The same hate is in America. Children killing children; racial violence; and adults killing adults for a few dollars in a convenience store robbery; and, finally, the maliciousness of cyber bullyism leading to suicide;
On the world stage we now see beheadings; suicide bombings; while children die who have never experienced life in this new Millennium of terror.
God I ask you to help me understand all of this. I believe that you want each and every one of us to make this world a place of happiness and peace. Thomas Merton stated many years ago in his own dialogue with God..."Lord...I do not know where I am going....I do not see the road ahead of me....I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself; and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing."
Merton may have the answer. There is no answer! Dr. Siegel has come close to a defining compromise for the lack of understanding of good v. bad; right v. wrong; and love v. hate.
We must never allow the light of the burning candle to be extinguished and we must try very hard to bring others to the light. Merton, a very special man of God, questioned his own life and its purpose. That is very similar to my lack of comprehension of pain and suffering and how it can be stopped. I ask can it be stopped?
The Human-Animal Bond is a starting point in identifying, understanding, and sharing love and compassion. Think about the unconditional love brought to us by our companion dogs and cats. How can an animal find that which the super-human mind ignores? Has our superior intelligence replaced compassion, love, and understanding....... i.e unconditional love?
Practicing making..... Life.....Love..... and making..... Love.....Life..... can help re-light the candle of hope. Maybe just maybe it can help......... the depressed; the mentally ill; and those consumed with hate.
Can each of us find someone today that needs our love; our help; and our understanding? Is it possible, for us, to put away ego, the quest for financial reward, and power........... to change someone's life for JUST five minutes each day?
I believe it starts with our relationship to our children. If we do not show them love and compassion.....if we do not show them what it means to help others......if we do not go out of our way to make them laugh and smile twenty times each day.........then they will never be able to experience the love of the light of the candle of hope.
Dr. Siegel in his Letter to God.....challenges each and every one of us to experience hope.
That hope can only be defined by the LOVE that we carry and share with each other yesterday, today, and tomorrow. It can bring others to the same experience!
It is a parent's responsibility to bring confidence and empowerment to their children.
What is empowerment of children? Read the words of Becca Glouzstein, below, and understand her definition of this function of love.
Principles of Empowerment to Teach your Children
Becca Glouzstein is a stay-at-home mother of 3 fantastic
children. Recently graduated after a 10-year course from
the At-Home School of Mothering, specializing in raising
small children. Presently completing a Post-Graduate course
in ‘Teaching What I have Learned’ using a variety of media,
including a website and children’s books.
There is so much talk these days of 'empowering' our children. But what does that really mean?
The power we desire for our children is not the outward power that bullies have over their victims but the inner power that a truly strong person has over the direction of their own life.
We can only give it to them by showing them what it looks like.
Power over our lives comes not from having the inner resources, because we were all born with them, but from knowing that those resources are always there within us whenever we need them. We just need to call on them.
That is the power we want for our children.
And this is the new spirituality that is emerging. Parents all over the world are asking themselves how they can pass on to their children a sense of spirituality and inner life without the doctrine of organised religion.
We all want our children to grow up with a belief in themselves and their ability to find their way out of any difficult situation knowing that they can be stronger and wiser for the experience.
We all want our children to find their own true path, follow their heart, and live a life of fulfillment and joy.
We need to let our children know that all they need is already inside them.
The following are metaphors for various aspects of our inner life. I offer these metaphors here to help parents find the language to begin to talk to their children about their inner life. Always be on the lookout for teachable moments to begin to introduce these concepts to your child. Each metaphor explains a different principle; personal power, inner guidance, giving, unlimited potential, learning from life's lessons, inner peace and service.
1/ Inner Guidance. The way in which you can begin to explain to your child about her inner guidance system is to liken it to a little voice within. Explain that there is a voice that whispers to us when we need to stop whatever it is we are doing, or when we need to change direction. If we don't listen at first then that whisper will get louder and will persist until it gets our attention. Accidents and sickness are out inner guides way of shouting at us to get our attention when we haven't been listening very well. When we are on the right path going the right way we feel good, life seems to flow and go well for us. Be guided by the silent voice within. Make your decisions by what feels good within your heart.
2/ Inner Peace. Teach your child that there is within him a place that he can go to where it is always calm and peaceful. This is his anchor when there are storms all around. If he can go deep down within himself to find the still waters he can anchor himself to his inner source of wisdom, strength and emotional balance. All the answers to all his questions are there within.
3/Unlimited Potential. The degree to which our children can grow and become great is dependent only on their ability to believe in themselves, think positive thoughts and dream big. Teach them that they have in their hearts theseeds to become whatever they want. Their potential is unlimited. What do seeds need in order to grow? They need to be nurtured regularly, little and often, and they require the patience that knows that the flowers will eventually grow and bear fruit. Think of a little acorn looking up longingly at Grandpa Oak. He should have no doubt at all that he too will grow to be tall and mighty for he has the seed within him. How much greater then are your children who have, not just one seed as the acorn has, but all the seeds to become whatever he wants. Everything is possible.
4/ Personal Power. Our little boys hit the age of about five and get seriously into superheroes. This is their way of experimenting with the idea of power. What a perfect opportunity to talk to them (and their sisters) about the only true power, Inner Strength. Explain to your child that there is a strength within us. This is the power we can draw upon in times of trouble or when we are required to do great feats. There is no true power in manipulating or bullying others into doing what you want. A truly powerful person is one who can take his strength and use it to do great deeds, to make positive changes in the world and to help others. This strenth is also the passion that drives us on in spite of obstacles and difficulties. It is like a fire within. We can let our inner fire run wild to ravage and destroy like a forest fire, or we can focus our flame and, like a craftsman transforms base metal into a beautiful piece of jewelery, create something of beauty and goodness with our lives. What will your child use his power for? Let him know that it is his choice.
5/ Life's Lessons. Life is constantly giving us lessons. Some may call them 'difficulties', 'problems', 'mistakes' or 'failures'. Give your child the gift of a new language. Call them 'challenges', or 'lessons from life'. Just as the flowers would not grow without the rain, so your child would not grow, learn and become strong without a few tears; a chance to flex his spiritual muscles. And after all, there is always sunshine after the rain.
6/ Giving. The secret of abundance in life. When we give it is because we expect there to be more of whatever we're giving. We ask for nothing in return and have no worry of going without. It is so natural for young children to give and share their things, their love and their light. Like the sun they give and ask nothing in return. This is the natural way of things. If the sun were not to shine, the flowers would not open and the bees would have no nectar to make honey for their young. Giving starts off a chain reaction and the excitement is watching where your giving will take you and watching the miracles that occur as a result.
7/ Service. How do we make a difference in the world? What are we here for? We are all stars and are meant to shine brightly. Teach your child that we shine brightly when we use the gifts and talents we were born with for the good of others. He was born with special talents and gifts that he intended to use in this lifetime, to bring to the world an energy all his own. Let him know that he has something positive to offer others, that the world needs what he has to give.
If we as parents can stay anchored ourselves to our connection with our own Higher Self when our child comes to us in times of difficulty and in those teachable moments, then we can fill him up with empowering messages that he will hopefully hear and internalise.
And thus we give him the greatest gift a mother can give her child; the power and the self-talk that will make him light-footed on his path, when his journey takes him on ahead of us to places where we can no longer reach to help him, and then every stumbling block along his way will become a stepping stone to a higher place...
The power we desire for our children is not the outward power that bullies have over their victims but the inner power that a truly strong person has over the direction of their own life.
We can only give it to them by showing them what it looks like.
Power over our lives comes not from having the inner resources, because we were all born with them, but from knowing that those resources are always there within us whenever we need them. We just need to call on them.
That is the power we want for our children.
And this is the new spirituality that is emerging. Parents all over the world are asking themselves how they can pass on to their children a sense of spirituality and inner life without the doctrine of organised religion.
We all want our children to grow up with a belief in themselves and their ability to find their way out of any difficult situation knowing that they can be stronger and wiser for the experience.
We all want our children to find their own true path, follow their heart, and live a life of fulfillment and joy.
We need to let our children know that all they need is already inside them.
The following are metaphors for various aspects of our inner life. I offer these metaphors here to help parents find the language to begin to talk to their children about their inner life. Always be on the lookout for teachable moments to begin to introduce these concepts to your child. Each metaphor explains a different principle; personal power, inner guidance, giving, unlimited potential, learning from life's lessons, inner peace and service.
1/ Inner Guidance. The way in which you can begin to explain to your child about her inner guidance system is to liken it to a little voice within. Explain that there is a voice that whispers to us when we need to stop whatever it is we are doing, or when we need to change direction. If we don't listen at first then that whisper will get louder and will persist until it gets our attention. Accidents and sickness are out inner guides way of shouting at us to get our attention when we haven't been listening very well. When we are on the right path going the right way we feel good, life seems to flow and go well for us. Be guided by the silent voice within. Make your decisions by what feels good within your heart.
2/ Inner Peace. Teach your child that there is within him a place that he can go to where it is always calm and peaceful. This is his anchor when there are storms all around. If he can go deep down within himself to find the still waters he can anchor himself to his inner source of wisdom, strength and emotional balance. All the answers to all his questions are there within.
3/Unlimited Potential. The degree to which our children can grow and become great is dependent only on their ability to believe in themselves, think positive thoughts and dream big. Teach them that they have in their hearts theseeds to become whatever they want. Their potential is unlimited. What do seeds need in order to grow? They need to be nurtured regularly, little and often, and they require the patience that knows that the flowers will eventually grow and bear fruit. Think of a little acorn looking up longingly at Grandpa Oak. He should have no doubt at all that he too will grow to be tall and mighty for he has the seed within him. How much greater then are your children who have, not just one seed as the acorn has, but all the seeds to become whatever he wants. Everything is possible.
4/ Personal Power. Our little boys hit the age of about five and get seriously into superheroes. This is their way of experimenting with the idea of power. What a perfect opportunity to talk to them (and their sisters) about the only true power, Inner Strength. Explain to your child that there is a strength within us. This is the power we can draw upon in times of trouble or when we are required to do great feats. There is no true power in manipulating or bullying others into doing what you want. A truly powerful person is one who can take his strength and use it to do great deeds, to make positive changes in the world and to help others. This strenth is also the passion that drives us on in spite of obstacles and difficulties. It is like a fire within. We can let our inner fire run wild to ravage and destroy like a forest fire, or we can focus our flame and, like a craftsman transforms base metal into a beautiful piece of jewelery, create something of beauty and goodness with our lives. What will your child use his power for? Let him know that it is his choice.
5/ Life's Lessons. Life is constantly giving us lessons. Some may call them 'difficulties', 'problems', 'mistakes' or 'failures'. Give your child the gift of a new language. Call them 'challenges', or 'lessons from life'. Just as the flowers would not grow without the rain, so your child would not grow, learn and become strong without a few tears; a chance to flex his spiritual muscles. And after all, there is always sunshine after the rain.
6/ Giving. The secret of abundance in life. When we give it is because we expect there to be more of whatever we're giving. We ask for nothing in return and have no worry of going without. It is so natural for young children to give and share their things, their love and their light. Like the sun they give and ask nothing in return. This is the natural way of things. If the sun were not to shine, the flowers would not open and the bees would have no nectar to make honey for their young. Giving starts off a chain reaction and the excitement is watching where your giving will take you and watching the miracles that occur as a result.
7/ Service. How do we make a difference in the world? What are we here for? We are all stars and are meant to shine brightly. Teach your child that we shine brightly when we use the gifts and talents we were born with for the good of others. He was born with special talents and gifts that he intended to use in this lifetime, to bring to the world an energy all his own. Let him know that he has something positive to offer others, that the world needs what he has to give.
If we as parents can stay anchored ourselves to our connection with our own Higher Self when our child comes to us in times of difficulty and in those teachable moments, then we can fill him up with empowering messages that he will hopefully hear and internalise.
And thus we give him the greatest gift a mother can give her child; the power and the self-talk that will make him light-footed on his path, when his journey takes him on ahead of us to places where we can no longer reach to help him, and then every stumbling block along his way will become a stepping stone to a higher place...
Comments from Dr. Don DeForge
Becca Glouzstein mentions 7 key points in the empowerment of children. Her last paragraph, to me, is the most significant of all of her points. There will be a time when our children reject our intervention; feel secure in their decision making; and do not need us to solve their problems.
If we have taught them compassion and the fruits of love, we can feel empty but secure at the same time. We can believe that we have become the stepping stone to help them in life's struggles. We can be the stepping stone in assuring that hope, respect, love, and helping others are placed within their empowerment ideals.
What a gift!
The Letter to God that Bernie Siegel, MD writes about is now a Letter of Empowerment of those that will form new societies well after we are gone.
You see whether you are Jew; Christian; of Islamic belief; atheist; or agnostic.....it does not matter. What does matter is believing that you can make a difference by bringing to your children love, compassion, and concern. That is missing from the world today. Only you and I can bring it back!
Questions about this blog?
Write to Dr. Don DeForge at DoctorDeForge@yahoo.com
24August2014
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