Saying Good-Bye: Pet Loss and Children

Silver Sands Veterinary Center

Saying Good-Bye

Pet Loss and Children

The Human-Animal Bond Series

DH DeForge, VMD

A child's loss of their first pet is one of the most significant moments in a young person's life.  How the child understands and copes with the loss can change how they perceive a multitude of problems in their lives.

Dr. Leo Buscaglia writes in his famous book about life and death for children: The Fall of Freddie the Leaf the following:

"Freddie the Leaf landed on a clump of snow. It somehow felt soft and even warm. In this new position he was more comfortable than he had ever been. He closed his eyes and fell asleep. He did not know that Spring would follow Winter and that the snow would melt into water. He did not know that what appeared to be his useless dried self would join with the water and serve to make the tree stronger. Most of all, he did not know that there, asleep in the tree and the ground, were already plans for new leaves in the Spring."

As a veterinarian, I encourage all parents to pick up a copy of The Fall of Freddie the Leaf and sit down and read it from page to page with their children.  It is written by a man who was not a psychologist and not a psychiatrist....but by a man who was an educator and loved to teach people how to love others.  He died at too young an age but his work is still with us in his lectures; PBS programs; and in his books.

The veterinarian, the ER doctor, and the parent have to become a triad of hope and love at a time of great loss.  Whether it be a pocket pet that has reached the end of their life; a pet hit by a car with life-ending injuries; or the geriatric pet that has grown with the child over a period of years and is now in their final days.....this is a very difficult time.  It is difficult for the advocate, the parent, and the care-taker.....but it is extremely difficult for the child.

My special friend, Dr. Alice Villalobos, whom I have quoted many times before throughout my blogs has coined a very important phase of the Human-Animal Bond as "The End of Life Stage."  This stage is not about euthanasia alone but it is about the care of the pet during the final stages of living.  All pets deserve dignity in the form of a quality of life. 

What saddens me is to see pets coming in for the first time to our General Care Practice or our Urgent Care practice that are at the end of their life and suffering.  There is no need for suffering in the majority of "The End of Life Stage" patients.  We are not discussing here acute trauma or acute toxicity but chronic changes that have occurred over weeks; months; or even years without the pet receiving necessary help.  This is where the triad of the General Practice Doctor; the ER Doctor; and the pet Advocate [i.e. pet owner] must be activated early on and not after a long period of discomfort or suffering.

Dr. Villalobos writes that Animal Hospice-i.e. Pawspice-should become a viable part of "The End of Life Stage" in each pets journey.  She states: "People come to us [i.e. veterinarians] for advice and present their pets to us as patients; they do not expect us to prematurely terminate their pet's life without exhausting reasonable home care options.  Our veterinary profession can with solidarity offer pet owners supportive, palliative options for comprehensive home care and attention to their pet's special needs when they are going down that final road to death."

I have reviewed in other blogs Dr. Villalobos' excellent Quality of Life Scale.  We should be looking at the following: Pain or Hurt; Hunger or interest or non-interest in eating; Hydration; Hygiene and pet's care or lack of care in its own self-cleaning and grooming habits; Happiness in each and every day of our pet's life; Mobility and the ability to ambulate comfortably; and finally and lastly.....MORE GOOD DAYS THAN BAD DAYS.  

Review these categories of Dr. Villalobos and see where your older pet or pet with a serious illness fits into each category.  Even better, make a daily chart and report the finding to the veterinarian that is treating your pet.  Your pet may benefit from home Pet Hospice care.  There may be need for a SIMPLE medicine change or an INTERVENTION in alimentation with an E-Tube placement. Sometimes a pet cannot eat any or enough food because of an illness. Others may have a decreased appetite, difficulties in swallowing, or have had some type of surgery that interferes with eating. When this occurs, and one is unable to eat, nutrition must be supplied in a different way. One method is “enteral nutrition” or “tube feeding. 

A plethora of treatment options, to bring quality and comfort to our pets, exists and as our pet's advocates we must consider the implementation of these treatments in conjunction with our general practice doctor, the ER veterinarian, and through home pet hospice.

Herbert Nieburg and Arlene Fischer in their book-"Pet Loss" have brought together a special list of authors who have worked with children and pet loss over the years.  They state: "The major tasks we as parents need to accomplish in helping our children manage pet loss is to assure them that their grief reactions are normal, to allow the expressions of the grief, to encourage questions, to provide straightforward and sympathetic answers and explanations, and to set a positive model for our children to follow.  By supporting and comforting them as they grapple and mourn, we are guiding them through a difficult period. And we are helping them to lay the groundwork for dealing with subsequent losses throughout their lives." 

 

Children know when their pets are very ill.  Many times they do not want to talk about the ending that is close at hand.  Fred Meyers, MD. University of California, Davis School of Medicine writes: "Palliative care should not be the last resort....or about giving up. It's about increased quality of life and enhanced coordination of care.  It is not about dying.  It is about living with cancer [or other life ending problems].  It is not about less care.  It's about more care."

Dr. Don DeForge

Animal Doc AM Multi-Media

http://www.AnimalDocAMMultiMedia.blogspot.com

Questions: Please write Dr. DeForge at DoctorDeForge@yahoo.com

Silver Sands Veterinary Center

17 Seemans Lane

Milford, CT 06460

www.SilverSandsVeterinary.com

19Oct2013